I've been contemplating for the past several months whether or not I should share about our adoption process and if so, how much should I share? With encouragement from my sister Rosie and my friend Leila, I've decided to give it a shot. Hopefully, my thoughts will capture the events in a way that will be most coherent.
My desire to adopt started while I was a resident adviser in college. I met an incoming freshman and through our friendship, learned some details about her past which had quite an impact on me. She referred to herself as an orphan because her dad passed away when she was 2-years-old and her mom had died earlier that year after battling breast cancer. During the initial part of our friendship, I read this verse in James, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I was really struck by this verse and thought about what this meant for me. As I prayed, I asked that if God wanted me to adopt one day, that He would make this clear to me.
In 2002, I started to date this sweet guy and on our first date, we naturally started talking about our families and backgrounds. During this conversation, I was pleasantly surprised to hear that he also wanted to adopt one day. In case you're wondering, we got married and I couldn't be more blessed than to have someone as humble, even-keeled, thoughtful, funny, and wise by my side. I've joked at times that he's my better half and in reality, it's the plain truth. During our marriage, the topic of adoption would come up occasionally and we both felt that our desire to adopt hadn't changed. The plan was that we'd have one child biologically and then adopt our second one.
In January of 2006, while pregnant with our oldest son during my 3rd trimester, I had a dream that I will never forget. I dreamt that someone was handing me my baby and as I held my child, I was confused that my baby was black. Specifically, I thought that my baby's features looked Ethiopian. At the time, I didn't know what this all meant because obviously, from looking at Jon and myself, we don't look like a couple who would give birth to an Ethiopian baby. In effect, I didn't put too much weight on this dream at the time.
Six months later, Jon and I touched base on the topic of adoption again to see where we were at. We both agreed that adoption was in our future and something we felt strongly about. Interestingly, I had another dream. This time around, I dreamt that I was walking into a room that looked like an orphanage. Children were running around and there were small babies lying in bassinets. As I walked around, I was drawn to a certain baby and our eyes met. I instinctively felt connected to this child, experienced love for him/her and loved this baby as if I had given birth to him/her myself. What struck me at the time was that in this dream, this baby was also black.
As clear as God may have been speaking to me in these two dreams, I still did not realize what He was showing me. In 2009, Jon and I began filling out our paperwork for an international adoption and the country that we expressed interest in was the Philippines. Holt International was no longer working with Vietnam (the other country we had interest in) because of speculations of unethical procedures that had occurred in recent years. We figured that since we both had an affinity for the Philippines and the culture, it made sense to adopt from there. In addition, since I'm often mistaken as being of Filipino descent, it seemed logical to adopt a child whom we thought would transition easier into our family.
What I have come to realize is, what I have in mind, may not necessarily be what God has in store. A verse from Proverbs comes to mind, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." On the day of our "welcome call" from our agency, we learned that the Philippines program to adopt a child 2-years-old and younger had closed that very day. I still felt strongly about adopting a child that was younger than our first son and preferably under 2-years-old, mostly for attachment and bonding reasons. Although, I do think it's admirable when adoptive parents choose to adopt older children.
Once we expressed our desire to continue to adopt a child between 0-2 years old, we were asked to consider switching to another country. The director mentioned that we met the requirements for Ethiopia and there were many children available for adoption, including the range we were hoping for. At this moment, I instantly thought of my dreams and my heart began to race as I wondered, "Is this why I had those dreams? They weren't just crazy dreams after all?" Jon and I spent the next couple of months praying together and individually, seeking guidance from Him. By the end, we both experienced confirmation that God wanted us to adopt from Ethiopia and we moved forward with the process.
As you may know, we have been home with our sweet son since August 14, 2010. He is a fun, easy-going, and good-natured 15-month-old boy. We feel blessed to have him as a part of our family. Sometimes I think about the blessings we would have missed out on, had we not pursued adoption from Ethiopia. I mentioned to our social worker last month, "we may not have initially set out to adopt from Ethiopia but now that we have him, I can't imagine it being any other way." I often look at him and experience a deep sense of gratitude that God has given us such a wonderful gift. When I look at the past events that have transpired, it's undeniable to me that God has been revealing His heart and plans all along.
